Caramelized Mushroom & Onion and Goat Cheese Biscuits

Being a real person has had a lot of effects on my life. Obvi.

Like, duh, it has seriously cut down on my free time. And, yes, I have to get up before the sun comes up and get showered and dressed every morning.

But also, being awake and thinking about the law for 8+ hours a day has maybe made me really dumb the other 8+ hours a day that I’m awake.

Seriously.

Over the past four weeks, The Accountant has had to explain extremely simple things to me three or four times before I a) finally understand what’s going on or b) give up and pretend like I finally understand what’s going on to save face. (I mean, how long would The Accountant stick around once he figured I was a dummy? But also, how embarrassing is it to suddenly lose 50 IQ points?)

“Wait. But… how am I supposed to hang this with only one nail when there are two brackets on the frame?”
“Kate, just put a nail in the middle and hang the frame on it.”
“Yeah. But the brackets are on the sides. Where would the nail go??”
“It will catch the frame. In the middle.”
“But the brackets are on the sides.”
“Kate. The frame. Just hang it on the nail.”
“…OOOOOHHHH. In the MIDDLE. OH.”

“UGH. I could have had a shut out in fantasy hockey this week. If only they hadn’t given up an empty net goal.”
“No. They scored at even strength.”
“No they didn’t. It was an empty net goal. I saw it.”
“Kate… they were winning. Why in the world would they pull their goalie??”
“…ooooh.”

Also, I’m having a really hard time differentiating between things that actually happened in real life and things that I dreamed happened. Considering the kinds of dreams I have when I’m stressed, this should not be confusing.

But it is.

More times than I can count lately, I have said “I’m not sure if this actually happened or if maybe I just thought about it or dreamed it.”

Like, did I actually fill that prescription or did I just think about how I needed to do it? Did The Accountant and I actually decide to drive across the ocean to England or was that maybe part of a dream? Did I feed Kirby or did I just think about it as she tried to wake me up in the middle of the night? Did I go to Narnia last night after dinner? Did I pit three pounds of cherries by hand? Do I even have three pounds of cherries in my apartment? What is even happening?

These are the things I have to figure out lately.

Caramelized Mushroom and Onion and Goat Cheese Biscuits

Makes 12 biscuits

Ingredients

1/2 pound cremini mushrooms, sliced
1 tbsp olive oil and 1 tbsp unsalted butter
1 small yellow onion, sliced
1 tbsp olive oil and 1 tbsp unsalted butter
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
salt and coarse ground black pepper
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 tbsp sugar
3 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp salt
1/4 cup shortening, cold and cut into cubes
1/2 cup unsalted butter, cold and cut into cubes
1 egg
3/4 cup buttermilk, cold
1/4 cup goat cheese, crumbled
coarse salt for sprinkling

Directions

1. Heat oil and butter in a skillet over medium heat. Add mushrooms and cook until soft and golden brown. Remove mushrooms from pan.
2. Heat remaining tbsp of oil and butter in same skillet. Add onions. Cook until tender and golden. Remove onions to the same container holding the mushrooms. Add balsamic vinegar, salt, and pepper and set aside to cool. It’s important that this cools completely. Warm mushrooms and onions means that the butter and shortening in the dough will melt. You don’t want that to happen til you bake them.
3. Preheat oven to 425°F.
4. Sift flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl. In another bowl, mix egg and buttermilk together.
5. Cut butter and shortening into the flour mixture until it looks like coarse meal. Then add milk and egg mixture all at once. Stir together until a soft dough forms. Add cooled mushroom and onion mixture and goat cheese. Stir together.
6.  Turn out onto a floured surface. Knead into a dough; knead no more than 10 times. Pat into a 1-inch thick disk. Cut into 2 inch rounds. Reshape until all dough has been cut into biscuits.
7. Place cut biscuits onto an ungreased baking sheet. Sprinkle with coarse salt. Bake 12-15 minutes, until golden brown on top.

Recipe adapted from Joy the Baker

I know for sure that I made these biscuits in real life. I also know that I did it right. The Accountant doesn’t have to explain biscuit-making to me. And considering how much trouble I’m having lately, I think I’m gonna try to chase that feeling right now.

Bake with love!!